Final decision.

I've decided to quit ogl. I know I once wrote all these. I know I sound ironic.

"And once again, I hesitated to be or not to be an OGL. But i've already made up my mind.
If others can, why can't I?
I should learn to cope with myself. Learn it.
I read an exerpt from my blog, and it made me set on the decision.

I feel that life is a torture now, to be surrounded by all muggers, to be facing all the stress and compeition! Life has to go on, I know. But as life go on, I too want my friendship to go on. I don't want to grow up next time, thinking back that studies have made my friendship to be broken. I don't want studies to be that factor that stops me and my friends from meeting each other again.

So now, I don't want studies to be the factor that once again stops me from being an OGL.
I do want to be an OGL, who doesn't want?
Although I dislike the way they run camps, but we have to adapt to the way people do things, we cannot force people to move on in our way. Change for the better, not for the worse. So if I do not be an OGL, I know I will regret. Therefore, I do not want the regretness to lie within me for the rest of my life.

I want to look back next time and tell myself that my youth years has been a wonderful one.
From the camps to the overseas trip to being an OGL, I've never regretted all these while. Now, I will make the difference. Likewise, I dont want studies to be the factor that ruin my friendship, that ruin my days where I had fun. I will want to adapt, and I will learn. I don't want studies to once again be that factor that because of studies, I cannot do other things.
Think again: If others can, why can't I?"

This was what I wrote then.
But now, I've matured. I've thought long enough. I've thought properly, seriously, deeply. Thought of the pros and cons.

And now I've come to a conclusion:
I know that I cannot use studies as an excuse because there is something known as time management.
Yahuan told me to ask myself 2 qns
1. "Can I manage?"
2. "Can I live without the computer?"
If yes to both answer, continue being an OGL.
If I have to use some time to answer yes/no, it means I have some concern and I have to think again if it is worth to be an OGL.
And I asked myself,
Firstly, what is the ultimate aim that I'm going to benefit from becoming an OGL? Is it only friendship? But how many of these friends I'm going to meet are just hi-bye friends? Friends I have many, but true friends, min one is enough. And I have val. And maybe pq.yl.xh.yh.
Or is it leadership? But if I have the potential, I do not need to wait till becoming an OGL to showcase it right?
Secondly, can i manage everything that i have on hand, putting in 200% effort in whatever I do? I have a lot of things on hand. I just do not want to say.
Thirdly, even if I can manage without the computer, can I REALLY do it?
Fourthly, do I want to be an OGL in the first place? Frankly speaking, I really do not want to. The reason why I signed up initially is because of val. She wanted and so I decided to go along with her. Now that she is not an OGL, I don't find the motivation because my passion wasn't there in the first place. I continued because I wanted to sort of fulfil her wish (sounds wrong I know), but now, I don't find it anymore. Because, we don't care.

Well, the answer is obvious enough.
I won't regret. Really.

Take Care everyone.

With love,
Grace :)